If you feel your husband’s job is ruining your marriage, it’s essential to consider when those feelings began. Is this a new job, a promotion, perhaps more hours, greater stress?
Or is this a position he’s had for a while, one of those “you sort of knew what you were getting into when you married him” kind of deals?
In any event, it’s important to realize a person’s job or career carries a great deal of influence over their life, at least that’s true in some places or countries.
Some people take their careers very seriously and allow them to consume their time, energy, and everything. They’re often labeled with the term “workaholic” because that’s all they do.
Certain people will date specific individuals based around what they do for a living, and others’ loyalty to their spouse will be dictated by their position.
It can actually be a sad and sort of scary notion that people will allow work to influence their life in such ways, but some do. If your husband is unaware he’s ruining your marriage with his work habits, perhaps you should point out the signs to him.
Signs a husband’s job is ruining his marriage
While there are men who focus heavily on their careers to the point of influencing their lifestyle, some are unaware of their attachment to their work. Unfortunately, many don’t make the connection until usually there’s an ultimatum from an angry spouse or girlfriend.
For some, that’s enough to make significant changes. But for those with a penchant for climbing the ladder, they’re not above sacrificing the person they love if they’re forced to choose between their livelihood and a mate.
If you’re someone with a passion for your career. But you’re uncertain it’s an issue for you and your spouse, nor do you want it to become one, check out these signs showing you have a work problem.
- Related: When a spouse’s past bothers you
You’re not on a 9-5 schedule
For workaholics, the clock starts at the crack of dawn and goes until sundown or longer. Usually, a spouse gets a call sometime after dinner to let her know not to wait up because you’ll be later than anticipated.
What should have happened is that she received a call telling her you would be missing dinner before she went to the trouble of preparing it.
Many of these men tend to place the burden of the load they bear on the fact that they need to take care of the two of them. In all fairness, they often work very hard to care for their families.
That fact can’t be taken away from any man. There are a lot of hard-working guys out there.
If the household obligations are such that this individual needs to work those sorts of hours to keep up with the expenses, he needs to be admired instead of admonished.
That genuinely takes serious discipline and dedication. A spouse who feels neglected and betrayed in these circumstances must try to find ways to eliminate some monthly obligations so that the man can get his schedule back down to a more manageable and less exhaustive one.
Then he’ll have more time for her, and she won’t have time to imagine fictitious betrayals.
You carry “work” home to your wife
Unfortunately, some people detest their work. The daily grind brings them exceptional stress and tension. At the end of the workday, there is so much pressure pent up from the day you feel like you’ll burst.
And that’s precisely what happens when you get home with your partner. Many people believe they can separate work from home life and keep the stress away from the people they love, but that’s usually not the case.
Feeling tense and uptight in your entire body alters your mood, changes your mindset, and how you perceive everything you see, hear, and sense.
That means when you walk into the house after a long stressful day, regardless of how awesome your wife might be or the happy demeanor she might display, your response will be to snap.
And since every day is like this, because you dislike your job, your partner begins to expect the reaction and starts to tip toe around to see your mood before interacting with you.
You don’t make enough money
It can be a sad truth, but for some spouses, their husband doesn’t earn enough money with his job to maintain a decent lifestyle, pay the expenses, and basically survive.
Perhaps he doesn’t work enough hours, maybe he’s part-time or self-employed trying to find clients. And he’s merely not pulling in enough income to sustain the household.
That can be really difficult for a couple to work through and come out prosperous and healthy, especially if the wife is working and it’s still not enough. In that situation, the man should try to find a side gig until his primary goals pan out.
Otherwise, not only will he be looking at losing his wife. But he won’t have a place to stay or any way to survive with little money coming in.
Sometimes pride can get in the way, but you have to ask yourself if it’s really pride or being obstinate when you should be stepping up to take care of your home and family.
Someone in your department is regularly making passes at you
Among the common “affair partners” is someone you meet at work. It’s no wonder many wives are suspicious of their husband’s cheating with a colleague.
It actually makes sense that this sort of behavior happens when you consider how much time you spend with these people. It’s most of your waking hours throughout the week.
If you believe someone is hitting on you at the office and you have any notion that you could reciprocate, it’s vital to stop the behavior before it goes any further. If not, your job will be responsible for destroying your partnership.
These things don’t stay hidden for long. A wife usually has pretty good instincts, especially if you’ve attended work functions together or kept her away from work events.
Your boss wants you to make a choice
When you need to get somewhere after work, your boss encourages you to stay and offers an excuse that will pacify the situation with your spouse.
Any time there is a holiday or milestone, maybe a birthday or anniversary, that you need to leave early or be off, the boss is there discouraging you from taking the time. It doesn’t look good to upper management when a key player takes off so much.
Eventually, after standing up, iterating your employment rights, and expressing your wife’s importance in your life, the boss places an ultimatum in your lap.
You’re given a timeframe to choose between keeping your position with the business or staying with your spouse, but you can’t have both. What will you decide?
Your boss is a former partner of your spouse
This is tough. When you’re married to someone who was once in a relationship with your current boss, that can wreak havoc on a marriage.
While there will be rare occasions when these two interact with each other, the opportunity will arise if there are company events, holiday parties, or perhaps intimate business dinners.
The situation will be more than uncomfortable for everyone involved making it difficult for you to maintain a professional working relationship with this person.
That strains the marriage further because your career was progressing nicely with this new position. But now you’ll either need to take a step back or resign.
In either scenario, the likelihood of moving up again will be a long time in coming because you’ll have no recommendation to take with you to a new company.
And taking a step back will be frowned upon by the business leaders disallowing another promotion until you once again prove yourself. While it’s terrible for your career, your marriage is essentially in shambles.
It’s critical to maintain a healthy life-career balance. The two will run parallel; that’s a natural part of life. And there will be times these intersect, with one being busier than the other.
But there comes the point where you have to ask yourself whether you want to spend your life consumed with working. Or if the particulars of the job drawing you from home are worth all the attention.
You might be in a situation where your partner is being somewhat unreasonable, especially if you’re working hard simply to take care of the family and expenses. Maybe she perceives an affair where there isn’t one simply because you work closely with an attractive woman.
These, though, are merely just cries for attention and affection. It’s lacking. The two of you need to sit down and talk about how you can create a life where all needs are met for each of you. Diminish the obligations, a little less work, and more time for the two of you – win-win.