When dating someone new with whom you believe there’s legitimate potential for a relationship to develop, people can get stuck in their own head, worrying they’ll do something to mess it up.
If it were merely a casual dating scenario with which you see no real possibilities, there would be no stress or worry. The idea would likely be “if it works out, cool; if not, that’s okay too.”
The difference is when you really like someone, you know you’ll want more and don’t want to lose it. In that vein, a mindset develops where you begin to analyze every last detail of the dates, conversations, interactions, and your behavior to learn if you might be doing anything that could ultimately chase the individual away.
As a precaution, you prepare endlessly for dates so you can hopefully prevent something awful from happening. The problem, though, is you don’t know how to behave naturally with a partner when you’ve been rehearsing for hours.
How do you stop this overthinking madness before losing a perfectly good match? Review some tips to help you recognize the extraordinary effort potentially destroying your connection.
Stop thinking a lot about someone you like
Some individuals have difficulty starting a new relationship with someone they believe might become vital to them without holding a virtual magnifying glass up to the partnership, themselves, and the mate.
The thought process is if you can find potential issues ahead of time and ensure these don’t occur, the union will be perfect.
Unfortunately, there are no perfect relationships first of all, and overthinking or analyzing at full tilt can create more harm than help.
The constant “what if” disallows the ability to stay in the present. Instead, it creates reasons to remain stuck in past mistakes or dwell in the future not having occurred yet.
How can you enjoy someone when you’re not present with them at the moment? That’s difficult; it’s challenging even to establish a connection. Let’s look at some tips on overthinking and breaking the habit so your relationship can thrive.
Send the message and progress on
When dating is in the early stages, partners tend to agonize over the fear of sounding foolish when they make a call, text, or have a face-to-face conversation.
You have to ask yourself if there’s a difference when you message a partner with a greeting between “hello,” “hi,” or another variation.
You could dwell on this for an hour before you settle on one so you can proceed with the remainder of the message. This generally happens when you’re excited about the individual you’re seeing.
The potential for a blossoming relationship is there, and you don’t want to blow it. It’s not merely a casual fling, or you wouldn’t be as uptight.
But if you think about it for a second, are you really okay with someone who might consider breaking up with you because you might have said “hello” instead of choosing to say “hi” or vice versa?
When you look at the things you’re putting so much energy into, you might bring the thought process back to you, look at your worth, and determine what’s worth the effort and what’s not.
In reality, it doesn’t matter how much you try to preempt it; if someone wants to break up, they will, and they don’t even have to have a lucid reason. What you need to be prepared for is being self-sustaining.
Read it once and put it away
When you receive everyday texts from a partner like “good morning” or asking how your day is or even just a message to talk about their day, don’t reread it 500 times to decipher “hidden meanings behind the written words.
There are none. Take the text at face value, respond in kind with a casual conversation and move forward.
If you attempt to find a problem in every scenario, you will find them, but it will eventually destroy the partnership. That’s because you’ll be viewed as someone who picks apart every little thing to find something to argue over.
If the two of you had a heated discussion and your partner chooses to text as a way to continue the conversation, pick up the phone and let them know this is not the way you want to handle the situation.
You prefer to speak in person, so things aren’t misunderstood or taken out of context. No one can fault anyone for that way of thinking.
Body language assessments can be misinterpreted
When you do get your mate in person to continue a conversation, don’t try to assess their body language or listen for a specific tone in their voice to determine where you stand in the “battle.”
Listen to the words the person is saying instead of attempting to create your own translation. If you can’t comprehend their meaning or the person tends to be vague, speak up that you don’t understand.
There’s no harm in being honest about trying to learn their communication style. That is, in fact, how that will happen by being honest and allowing the mate to explain.
Healthy communication can be born from these tactics, the ability to find clarity between you. You can then throw away your sleuthing gear for deciphering body language or detecting voice tones and instead enjoy effective conversations on the regular.
“Enjoy today; tomorrow is never promised”
That is a lovely quote, and it’s so true. You have to enjoy each moment you have as it happens. You don’t know if that next moment will come. But for those who anguish over those next moments, they’re missing out on some potentially great
“nows,” and that would be most of the overthinkers in the world.
This group struggles with trust in the fact that the things they’re seeing and the experiences they’re having are authentic or genuine. That leads to anxiousness and constant questioning as to whether their partnerships will last or if their significant others even like them in reality.
The recommendation is that people ground themself in any way they can find to stay in the present. Journaling is an awesome technique for keeping yourself at the moment and can help decrease stress and anxiety.
No one knows what the future holds. You might not stay with this person; perhaps that’s for your greatest good. There could be a soul mate waiting down the road, and you’re wasting all this energy dwelling on negativity. It’s sincerely a waste.
Try to focus on positivity
A partner who doesn’t call or answer text messages can send a negative message to your brain, especially if it’s been a few hours or maybe the next day.
Your mind can automatically go to the thought process that they must have been doing something they weren’t supposed to be, perhaps out with friends or a specific friend, maybe cheating.
The problem with these thoughts is that no one ever considers whether their mate has given them cause to have these notions. Has the person ever strayed before? Do they flirt with other people when you’re out together or give you a reason to believe they would betray you?
That’s not to say there’s no first time for everything. Still, people do give at least an indication, even the slightest, if they have that sort of persona.
Instead of believing the worst when you don’t receive a message back or a call when you reach out, try considering there’s a legitimate reason, like deadlines with work or perhaps family issues.
Remind yourself he’ll let you know what it is when he gets back with you, and all will be fine. It will entirely change your mindset, demeanor, and mood, allowing the two of you to remain in a good place.
You can actually “what if” things into existence. That might sound absurd, but it isn’t. When you are constantly overthinking a situation resulting in false accusations to another person of wrongdoing or betrayal or being against you, that person eventually feels defeated.
A feeling of defeat leads an individual to choose to give up trying and give in to what you believe to be true. The ideology is that if you think it anyway, they might as well be doing it.
It’s essential to be mindful of your words; they are powerful. Not only will criticism and complaining result in your being hurt, but your negativity can devalue your partner, causing them to lose confidence in themself.
Overthinking a new relationship can be detrimental to the union’s future mostly because the overthinker doesn’t give it a fair chance to succeed.
They’re always looking at every minute detail of the dates, conversations, and the person to find the negative and work through it to make it better when it might have been okay, to begin with.
There is much truth in the need to “live in the present, live for the moment.” All of us need to follow that creed. There’s more joy there than you’ll find behind you or far ahead.