If you have issues with jealousy and want to find ways to stop being jealous of your boyfriend, the power to do so lies within yourself. The behavior is typically tied to personal insecurities and self-doubt, though everyone experiences it to a degree.
We wouldn’t be passionate, feeling humans if we didn’t. But suppose you value who you are and what you have to offer a partner. In that case, the emotion can’t take control of your emotions or dictate irrational responses to circumstances where they’re unwarranted.
Suppose you feel like your episodes might be growing out of control. In that case, you need to determine whether it’s your boyfriend’s loyalty you genuinely find to be the problem or if you’re becoming somewhat dependent and perhaps dependent in your personal battles with self-esteem.
Unfortunately, these create frustration and even exhaust a boyfriend who finds the attempts at control toxic and unhealthy. Rather than maintaining a connection, a partner will eventually walk away. What can you do to stop being a jealous girlfriend, so this doesn’t happen? Let’s figure it out.
Why do I get so jealous of my boyfriend?
Jealousy is essentially a product of insecurity and a lack of confidence. No one can make you feel jealous. These are emotions that stir in you due to your personal feelings of inadequacy. While all of us are guilty of the behavior to a degree, the important thing is to recognize it and not let it grow out of control.
If a boyfriend has always appeared to be a faithful, loving, and respectful companion with no sort of missteps in the relationship, there’s nothing to give credence to the misgivings about his loyalty. That’s valid if you see your guy with another girl walking or talking over the phone. There could be reasons for that such as meeting a relative etc.
The first step in breaking the cycle is, to be honest about why these emotions are rising up. That’s simply because your guy is talking to your best friend, neither of whom would genuinely hurt you.
You’ll likely see these are deep-seated underlying personal problems that need resolving. Check out a few tips on how jealousy can be calmed with your guy.
Personal insecurities can be a contributing factor
A root cause for jealousy can often be feelings of insecurity or low self-esteem. In too many situations, people tend to make comparisons between themself and others. Often, you’re exceptionally harsh concerning personal flaws and faults in the comparisons. That means it becomes an important issue when your significant other is talking to a colleague or a friend.
It’s not because he finds them better and more suited for him. It’s because you find yourself less adequate. Because of this feeling, you battle with the guy in an effort to keep him closer by your side and away from these individuals to avoid the potential for you being rejected in favor of them.
The best way to stop being a jealous girlfriend in this way is to confront the insecurities and find your personal self-worth. It’s critical to recognize where you bring value to the partnership, how you enhance your mate’s life and focus on the many things your boyfriend has to say that he finds special about you.
Remember, these qualities are unique to you when you attempt to compare yourself.
Why are you experiencing trust issues?
If you’re in a current relationship with a partner that gives you no reason to doubt him, the trust issues must be coming from a past partnership where there was infidelity, or perhaps you had a childhood fraught with challenges that left you mistrustful.
Either situation can project into the existing union creating hardship for your current boyfriend, who receives the repercussions in the form of jealous tendencies.
The priority is recognizing the root of the issue in order to be able to have a discussion with your current significant other to help them comprehend the emotions.
From that point, become accountable to your mate letting them know you will make the effort to work through the past in order to fully commit to the future with them. It will likely require counseling to provide you with tools to cope with the past so you can move forward healthfully. It’s not easy to do that without a bit of guidance.
Incorporate realistic expectations into the partnership
Realistically, all people are attractive in one sense or another. We will be drawn to the beauty of others. They will catch our eye because we are visual creatures.
That’s highly normal and natural to have our attention distracted by someone who is charming or gregarious, or who is beautiful. It would be odd if we walked around with tunnel vision, not paying attention to anyone.
However, suppose your boyfriend is being flirtatious or obnoxious with their attraction to someone else. In that case, you have a choice to either become emotional and jealous with an argument ensuing or step away from him and have a calm discussion about how his behavior is making you feel.
You don’t want to appear as someone attempting to control another person or in any way act possessively. Still, each person needs to have a level of compassion and empathy plus respect for the other, and the only way to accomplish that is with open, vulnerable communication.
Your man might genuinely not realize how he’s being perceived or even behaving, nor might he intend to be so blatantly flirtatious. It might be a rather humbling experience to identify poor behavior.
Speak with impartial third parties
Whether you choose close friends, specific to just you, not mutual for you as a couple, or a professional counselor, it’s wise to reach out to speak with someone about your jealous outbursts.
A close friend is ideal since these people will listen without judgment or repercussions for the things you say, offering sound advice from a perspective you might not have considered.
A professional counselor doesn’t know either of you but will look at the situation from a clinical perspective. This is beneficial for establishing tools to better deal with the behavior when it rears its head. Plus, the expert can pull things from your history that could be contributing to the tendencies, an underlying cause.
When the root is determined, and that aspect is worked through, there’s a greater likelihood for jealousy to be brought under control. A therapist is more capable of bringing the underlying cause to light than you would be able to do that on your own.
Communication is key to a healthy relationship
One primary key to any thriving partnership is an open communication line. If you find yourself lashing out in jealous rages with your significant other more times than should be the case, there’s the chance he is growing tired of the circumstances.
Once a man becomes frustrated with jealousy, possessiveness, and codependency, the relationship starts to look like work instead of something enjoyable and beneficial. Sadly in many cases, jealousy causes many partnerships to end because one of the individuals can’t deal with the outbursts that tend to increase with time.
Some partners believe that as time passes and more trust develops, the jealous partner will see they’re being foolish, and the episodes will stop. That’s not always the case, especially once the behavior grows to a toxic point and the person starts to be controlling.
Communication is a priority in every relationship for it to thrive and for a deep, healthy connection to develop. When someone is being jealous, and you don’t like it, it’s time to sit the person down and put an end to it straight away before it can go any further.
The conversation should be calm and respectful but firm in expressing the person’s value. The individual needs to recognize there’s no need for insecurity between the two of you, only trust, loyalty, and respect.
Your boyfriend might be browsing the Internet, and even watching photos of other girls or sending texts to them, but you always need to keep calm. After that, think about the issue and talk with your man in a positive way that fixes problems and not complicates them.
As long as each person continues with this level of communication throughout the relationship, there should never be any confusion about where the other person stands. If you find someone attractive, own it, but then let your mate know the unique qualities you search for are only found in the person you’re already with.
What people seem to misunderstand in most relationships, honesty wins all the time. Be bold, forthright, and authentic right from the start with everything. Women and men appreciate it, and it will help you work through virtually anything, including jealousy.
Jealousy is an emotion based on insecurity, feelings of low self-esteem, a sense of inadequacy, and comparisons. We all experience jealousy to a degree with the people we love and tend to compare ourselves.
Remember that no one can offer the exact value you provide to your partnership. Only you have your qualities, characteristics, animation, and heart.
When a couple becomes established with a deep connection and a strong bond, there’s a degree of predictability and familiarity each person looks forward to, and finds comfort in.
Moving on with a new person changes the whole dynamic; most people don’t like change. Remember that when you feel jealousy welling up with a boyfriend who gives no indication they want to start new.