Partnerships require the effort of each person to thrive and deepen into that strong, secure bond representing success. When a husband feels as though he is providing all the love and support during tough times with few of his needs being satisfied, it can result in his desire to leave and find a more fulfilling relationship.
A mate can either recognize the growing distance between them or be fully surprised when the husband expresses his wish to divorce. Generally, if the husband has been unhappy for a while, the realization sets in well before the divorce announcement is made.
It gives ample opportunity for a partner to work towards changing the course of the relationship to a positive outcome. Taking steps to bring the partnership to a more loving place shows a husband that you’re willing to fight for the marriage and allows him to see the feelings you genuinely have for him.
Does that guarantee he’ll react the way you hope, or is there a risk of his following through with his plan to leave? No one can control another person’s behavior, especially if he’s been attempting to let you know for some time there’s a problem.
The real risk is to do nothing or continue in the pattern that has made him unhappy. Let’s look at a few steps you can follow in an effort to make your husband love you again despite his desire for a divorce.
Making him love you again despite his wanting a divorce
By the time a husband has concluded he’s ready for a divorce, there’s often little you can do to change his mind. Typically, a man will let you know beforehand that there’s a problem that needs to be resolved. But if you neglect the issues, he’ll give up and search for something more satisfying.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try when he comes to you with the notion that he believes he wants to separate. You still have an opportunity to shift the outcome to a more positive one.
It might be a slim chance, but that’s one you’ll need to take. When a man sees you’re willing to fight to keep him, that speaks volumes to your feelings for him, which might not have been appropriately expressed to this point. That’s the first step. Let’s look at other ways you can try to win back his favor.
“I love you”
After some time in a long-term partnership, many people stop saying “I love you” with the notion that the other person should already know that. The problem is even though partners might have an idea that they’re loved, it’s better to feel it, see it, hear it and understand it every day.
Those words can have different meanings at different moments throughout any given day. If you’re stressed, excited, tired, and relieved to be home and see the love of your life, there will be a different sort of expression. They mean so much, depending on who says them and how you say them.
Regardless of how long you’ve been with someone, no one should stop saying these words to their partner.
You also don’t need to stop paying compliments simply because you’ve been married for a specific number of years. These should actually increase; perhaps tell your husband he’s looking good when he comes all decked out for work or a business event.
That makes a significant other feel good about who they are and helps them to realize they’re still relevant in your eyes. Not only that, but when a mate does something that you appreciate, it deserves a thank you and how awesome a job he did.
Gratitude and appreciation go far in making a mate feel loved and respected. Without that, a husband will be of the mindset, why bother when no one notices the effort?
Affection and attention
People can become overall neglectful as time passes. We’re all guilty of that. Life gets in the way of hectic schedules and busy routines. Still, sometimes you have to stop and pay attention to the primary story that gets shoved on the back burner, your love story, especially when you’re running out the door in the morning or preparing to go to sleep at night.
Hugs and kisses are so underrated. A nice hug and kiss before the start of the day can mean the difference between getting through the stress positively or succumbing to it.
That doesn’t mean a simple peck, and you’re out. It would help if you took the time to gaze at your husband in his eyes and really see him before leaving for the day.
Then offer a kiss that lingers perhaps a few seconds or so, followed by a whole-body hug to let him know you’ll miss him. If you need to get up five or ten minutes earlier to ensure there’s time, do that.
We never know when we walk out the door that we’ll come back in. It’s important to let the men we love to know and vice versa.
Spread some romantic gestures
Romance should be alive and well in every partnership. A few small gestures to make a guy feel “courted,” if you will. These express to him that you have an idea of what will bring him joy and a feeling of love, and it makes you feel good to see him happy.
You can put small notes in with a lunch that you pack up for him to take to work. When he goes to lie down for bed, he can find a tiny treasure wrapped up on his pillow.
He can wake in the morning to a nice, piping-hot cup of coffee and breakfast waiting on a fold-out table. Thoughtful, subtle gestures that make him feel spoiled but not over-the-top.
Positivity brings the positive
If you carry a negative demeanor, a person who complains and criticizes each annoyance regardless of the significance or who’s responsible, it can bring your husband down as well. It’s important to switch that sour attitude to a more positive mindset.
When you see something that frustrates or upsets you, stop to think or even walk away before you have the opportunity to grumble or say something negative.
After considering your reaction, you can either come back and handle the situation or ask your husband if he could take care of fixing it. Perhaps it’s an outside stressor that you need to talk about.
Try to touch on the highlights of what’s happening without becoming critical or complaining about those involved. Then if you’re looking for guidance or a solution, the two of you can work towards that together, or if you want someone who’ll listen, a partner can focus on the actual problem instead of keeping up with all the negative narrative.
In that same vein, not presenting with a negative attitude or complaining and criticizing all the time needs to be expanded on just a bit. When you walk into a room with your mate, it might not occur to you what your facial expressions might say or how you carry yourself, or even how you dress.
A partner undoubtedly doesn’t care if you dress down in sweats and one of his t-shirts, but it’s all in how you carry it. Are they clean? Did you shower? Is your hair brushed? Are you smiling and happy to be with him?
If you “schlump” into the room where he’s sitting and slouch on the couch in grungy, holey sweats and an unclean shirt that you might have pulled out of the hamper with your hair in a messy bun for perhaps the third day in a row it gives the impression that you don’t care about yourself or how he sees you.
It’s crucial to a relationship that each partner at least looks like they’re happy to be in the other person’s presence. If you or your husband comes home, there should be smiles of gladness to see each other; eyes will light up, and faces will glow; at least that’s how people in love react.
If you want to avoid a divorce, you need to appear as though you not only put forth effort into caring for yourself but find it essential to be viewed in a positive light by your mate.
It is possible to reignite the spark with your husband, but it does take time, energy, and effort. Once the mate sees you’re willing to fight for the marriage and him, he’ll recognize the depth of your feelings for him, and hopefully, that will be enough for him to stay.
It’s vital to remember marriage, and the work involved in maintaining it takes two people, and when someone reaches the point where they want a divorce, the downfall of that marriage also takes two people.
Generally, the fault doesn’t lie with one or the other; it’s a mutual imbalance. No one should feel to blame if things don’t work out. That’s an integral part of the healing process.