A person can be friends with someone, even someone of the opposite sex, for years and not recognize that person has developed feelings more than mere friendship. How can you tell if someone has a secret crush on you? You have to be thinking about them in that context in order to be looking for the signs.
Speaking from personal experience, if you have a best friend for years whom you’ve never considered in a romantic context, the signs get past you; at least mine did.
Then when something is boldly communicated, and you look back, the red flags were everywhere; you missed them. The thought process was they were simply being weird, maybe needed advice on asking other people out.
Needless to say, it comes as a shock when the individual finally says something, and it’s tough to know how to handle it sensitively.
It would have been better to see it coming, so you could have tried to deal with it gently along the way. What are some things that will tell you someone thinks more of you than merely a friend or best friend? Let’s learn this one together.
How to tell if someone has a secret crush on you
Unless you think of someone in a romantic context, it can be challenging to notice slight signs they might have secret feelings for you. It really doesn’t even cross your mind to think of them that way or to believe they might consider you as anything more than perhaps a friend, even a best friend.
That is until they come out and express their feelings or maybe ask you to spend time out with them. It can come as a complete shock that leaves you flabbergasted and unsure how to deal with it.
Seeing the red flags ahead of time would be so much better, allowing you to break it to the person gently that you might not feel the same way or take advantage of the fact that maybe you do. In any event, it could spare feelings or give you more time to enjoy a new relationship.
Check out the subtle signs to pay attention for when your friend harbors a secret crush on you.
You receive constant compliments
These aren’t overt. The individual is trying to hide how they feel to get an idea of where they stand with you before coming out. The person is currently suffering from a great fear of rejection.
This behavior is their way to self-protect in case you don’t feel the same way. They can progress from that point if you react positively to the subtle compliments. The person will say things that can seem almost every day, people say to everyone like “nice shoes,” noncommittal.
From that point, they’ll start to move into the more serious subjects to see if you begin to notice where they’re going with these. Eventually, you’ll start to realize what’s happening, and you can then react to the situation.
The friend pays close attention to small things
If you get the slightest of trims that no one else can even tell you’ve had a haircut, you can rest assured that the friend with the crush will notice. If the person comments on your haircut, that’s a definitive red flag that this individual pays close attention to your appearance.
You might have simply changed the color of your nail polish, cleaned up your 5:00 shadow, or maybe changed the scent you wear. If your friend says something, consider that as more than simply a social observation. Your “buddy” has a keen interest in you, and they’re feeling you out to see if their feelings could be justified.
They think of you first in most scenarios
You might find yourself busy a lot of the time and neglect making an effort all the time to reach out to friends or even family. Still, with this particular friend, you don’t have to worry about losing touch or them becoming upset about your lack of good communication because they always reach out first, either by text or visiting face-to-face.
The thing to take from that is this person usually has you on their mind, constantly thinking of you, especially if there’s never a day that goes by they don’t reach out. It’s really the only friend you talk to on a regular, usually everyday basis, sometimes a few times a day.
While you consider the person as your best friend, shouldn’t you wonder if there isn’t more to their gesture than mere friendship? There could be secret feelings for you that you’re not considering. It’s wise to look at their other behaviors in the friendship besides the constant contact to see how it all flows.
Going out together is initiated by your friend
In the same vein as contacting you, the usual excuse for reaching out is to initiate some time out. That can be whether enjoying a brew at the local cafe, seeing a movie you both have been waiting for at the cinema, or enjoying just spending time together.
While you believe the two of you are enjoying a good friendship, which could very well be the case, there might be hidden feelings of wanting more from the relationship than you see on the surface. People can indeed be merely friends, good friends, even without incorporating a romantic spin on the partnership.
- Read also: How to distance yourself from your boyfriend
But if someone goes out of their way to see you all the time, makes you their go-to for the person they spend time with all the time, or chooses you as their partner for every activity, there could be more to it than just wanting to be friends.
The person switches topics when you discuss people you like
If you want to talk to your good friend about people you find attractive or someone you hope to get fixed up with, maybe you’re asking for their help, and the individual will likely change the subject. They will undoubtedly not offer their help in getting you set up with the other person.
The whole idea is to try to center the focus on them. When you speak of other people, if they can direct the attention back to where you’re thinking about the time you spend together, you won’t care so much about other people. When your friend does this all the time, that’s a definite indication that they have feelings.
Deep conversations are a regular occurrence
People who are just friends, even best friends, will have deep conversations. Still, they don’t often go into life goals or things that might affect individual lifestyles unless they’re interested in “mind, body, spirit” issues that can affect a couple well into the future.
These questions will be deeply personal. Things like whether children will be something they might consider, where they might see themself living and what sort of home, whether marriage is something they believe in or if they prefer a life as a couple without the confines of marriage. There’s no more significant red flag than these sorts of conversations.
It should indeed make you start to look at your friend in a different light wondering why they would be so curious about such intimate details in your future. That’s especially true if the individual takes considerable interest in your answers, paying close attention to what you have to say, actively listening, and diving more in-depth into details as the conversation progresses.
It might, in fact, make you somewhat uncomfortable once it becomes apparent the friend has different motives than friendship. You’ll sort of be put on the spot, unsure where you stand, whether you feel the same, or if you’re on a different page.
When you have a best friend, often you share everything with that person growing incredibly close to the point you know them better than anyone else, sometimes even more than family.
But sometimes, it prevents you from seeing what’s right in front of your eyes if that person suddenly develops stronger feelings for you beyond the confines of friendship.
It can be challenging to recognize that someone has a secret crush on you when they intentionally don’t come out and share those feelings with you. And often, people self-protect by hinting at a crush instead of admitting it because they fear rejection.
The only way you can really know for sure is to pay attention for red flags. You’ll find they were everywhere when you look back over the situation after the friend comes clean.
Remember, how you react to their feelings is critical to their confidence and self-esteem. If you don’t feel the same, clearly express how flattered you are and let them know what you find to be their best qualities despite you not being the right one for them.
Being rejected is harsh, but the kinder you handle it, the easier for your friend and the more likely you can remain friends.