Sometimes partnerships can be taxing, especially if it seems as though the relationship is relatively lopsided in most ways. When a partner realizes they’re contributing every effort emotionally, physically, perhaps with responsibilities, and most contributions financially and otherwise, it can be a rude awakening.
It can take other people to point these facts out since the individual who is a natural giver doesn’t tend to pay attention to how much they put into the partnership; they do what comes instinctually to them.
The problem is if these partners continue down the path they’re on, eventually, after not having their own needs satisfied, there will come resentment.
Once this sets in, it will take much effort to repair the damages, if possible. Let’s look at some ways you can distance yourself from a boyfriend who is taking your good nature for granted in an attempt to spark an effort from him.
How to avoid your partner
When partners mutually invest in each other, the rewards include a deep connection and a bond that strengthens as the relationship grows.
But when one person grows exhausted from the partnership since they seem to carry it in every way, that makes it a thriving union while the boyfriend sidles along for the ride.
The guy doesn’t assist with solving problems, making arrangements for dates or time away, or putting forth any effort of any kind, leaving the partnership in a state of imbalance.
When looking at this piece, it is essential to understand that there are no relationships that are equally balanced in a sort of 50-50 ratio. Someone always gives a little bit more when the other person simply doesn’t have it to give.
The consideration here is that it not always be the same person doing all the work. Sometimes you’ll need to take a load off and let your mate help you out and vice versa.
A healthy union will experience many compromises and two people who will do what they need to for it to work. When you finally recognize the imbalance and see a need to distance yourself from your boyfriend, there are a few tips that will help you to achieve that goal.
Blot out a time on the daily schedule for yourself
Self-care is a critical component of wellness, too often neglected. That’s especially true of someone selfless who prefers to ensure other people’s needs are met.
That tends to happen in a lopsided relationship. The natural instinct of a giver is to do for the boyfriend and, in doing so, inadvertently ignore their own needs.
If that sounds like you, it’s vital to take baby steps in distancing from those habits. One sure-fire tip for keeping self-care a priority is to make it a scheduled appointment each day.
That will mean blotting a time period on your personal agenda for you to indulge in something specific to your needs.
It can be 30 minutes of fitness, relaxing with some soft music and a good book, a hot bath, or even a good nap with no interruptions or distractions. You will need to shut off all devices to engage in self-care properly.
Giving yourself love and dedication will automatically project onto your partnership and positively change your boyfriend’s behavior towards you as he feels your energetic vibe.
Look at things from a different light
When you look at the relationship, you see that you’re a positive component and exerting sufficient effort that should motivate your guy to do the same thing.
Perhaps take a step back and consider it a different way. Maybe, with you doing everything in the partnership without being asked and how you feel it needs to be done, he doesn’t feel there’s anything left to do, so why bother trying?
Does that make you a practical component or actually somewhat responsible for the problem? From the outside looking in, if you take yourself out of the equation, you should be able to see that a man deemed a taker can only do so if you offer too much.
In order to create distance from a taker or perhaps bring a greater sense of balance into a relationship, you hope to hold onto, stop “providing” for the partnership and contribute more to you. Your boyfriend might start taking some initiative when you let go of the reins.
Request time apart
Many people become exceptionally nervous when a partner asks for some space or alone time. They misunderstand the request as a desire to break up. While many people avoid their needs to get away to prevent the whole ordeal, it’s genuinely okay to have these breaks from a partner.
Healthy relationships thrive when each has individuality and independence balanced with their time together. When each of you establishes personal interests, hobbies, even individual friends or acquaintances, it can add a layer to your partnership.
You’ll have things to share when you come back together that your boyfriend can admire and find exciting and vice versa.
Having individual time means neither person can harbor feelings of insecurity or neediness. Those emotions could result in unwarranted jealousies and control problems depending on the health of your union.
If you have outside friends separate from your boyfriend and spend evenings out with them, make sure there are boundaries regarding possessiveness and toxic behavior. These are reasons relationships end abruptly.
You are the priority over your boyfriend’s needs
I’m going to quote it because I like this – “this is not selfish – it is essential.” If a boyfriend is not going to pull their weight in the partnership, they will wait until your time is free.
You must set boundaries. In reality, these need to be placed at the beginning of a relationship. Still, some problems don’t develop until time passes, like recognizing your partner is slacking with his efforts.
Sit down and explain the boundaries clearly, so he isn’t surprised when he texts or phones, and you only respond if it’s a good time for you at that moment. Perhaps you’re in the middle of something at work, indulging in self-care, or driving.
You won’t be dropping everything to answer. It’s also perfectly reasonable for there to be time constraints when there is a response.
For instance, if you have a few moments to answer your mobile, express upfront that you only have 15 minutes to speak and ensure that you stand by your word when the time is up.
It will give the boundaries depth if you actually abide by them and do not allow any wiggle room.
Turnabout is fair play too. It’s essential to see if your boyfriend wants to contribute boundaries to the union while you have the sit-down. He might be coming to a point where he wants to start participating, and this could be a start.
Your partner loves you for who you are, not what you give
It’s vital to establish a personal affirmation. That can be done in conjunction with creating a journal while engaging in self-care where you can document personal accomplishments, fears, self-doubt, anything you need to release.
A common problem with someone who needs to distance themselves from a boyfriend with whom they’re usually guilty of giving too much is that they don’t feel good enough by merely offering themself as the treasure.
That leads to them always going above and beyond to meet the guy’s needs so there will be no fear of rejection.
In order to shake this common fallacy with individuals dealing with low self-worth or lack of confidence is to create an affirmation that defeats the belief. Perhaps something along the lines of “I am valuable.” “My boyfriend values me as a person.”
Step back and read your affirmation when you find yourself prepared to overindulge in your man. It will give you pause to see your value and the capacity to say “no.”
Conclusion
Distancing yourself from your boyfriend is crucial in creating a more healthy balance in a partnership. Still even more vital is developing a loving relationship with yourself.
A common thread with this piece has been a sense of self. You’re giving so much because you believe that’s the only way to keep this person in your life.
No one should have that kind of hold on your wellness, and essentially that’s what it boils down to. You don’t need a man in your life, not like that. You do need to have self-love, self-worth, self-esteem, and confidence.
A healthy, thriving, balanced partnership will be complicated until those are evident. Many people have x-ray vision when it comes to seeing our weaknesses. The wrong people will pounce on these, especially a labeled “taker.”
If you find yourself eternally in the “giver” position, take a step away from dating and look for yourself. Once you introduce her to you, find out what she likes to do, develop her interests, and establish a life.
Once she’s content and doesn’t need anyone to bring her joy, the right man will show himself to enhance what she’s created for herself. That will be a relationship where you don’t need distancing.
