Striving to be a better husband and father is something you’ll always want to do. There are no perfect examples, though some do come close. It would help if you allowed yourself the understanding that there will be mistakes, but that comes with a desire to grow and learn in your roles regardless of the stage of your marriage or how old the kids are.
In order to be the best husband and father, you have first to be a good man. Many variables contribute to what that means. Many don’t understand that just because you might be a natural at one or the other doesn’t mean you can play both parts well.
You don’t need to be a husband to be a father; there are some amazing single dads out there. In that same vein, some husbands decide not to have children but make exceptional spouses. One doesn’t necessarily have to speak for the other. Let’s look at what a man can do to better himself in each role.
How to become a better husband
When a marriage is healthy and thriving, life for the couple outside of the marriage is generally happy and good. If there is stress and tension in the couplehood, it carries over into everyday life, affecting the overall demeanor and causing misery regardless if everything else is ideal.
Usually, in these situations, each person feels the other needs to change in order for things to resolve. In reality, no one will change because you merely make that request. Some people are who they are. It is possible to make improvements in oneself so that the partnership can get better.
When you make an effort as a husband to be better at your position in the relationship, your spouse will see that and hopefully strive to do the same—some things to try:
When dating, a level of infatuation causes the brain to delete the flaws and quirks so that all you see when looking at a mate is perfection. As time passes and you become more comfortable and familiar, reality sets in, and those quirks are realized, but rather than appreciate these; they become annoyances.
What needs to happen to be a better partner is to make a point of looking for those traits that you are grateful for in your significant other when you wake up each day. Choose a few and write them down, focus on them, and even express them to your mate. You’ll start to appreciate these and let go of any negativity.
Roles seem to be established in a marriage, and no one tends to stray from those despite sometimes one person being somewhat more overwhelmed. A husband can choose to handle a bit more of the load if he doesn’t already.
Perhaps cook dinner a few times during the week (or bring takeout home and make a spread on the dinner table), wash the dishes so your mate can enjoy a nap, take the laundry chore so your spouse can go out with a few friends.
Not only will your partner feel a newfound appreciation for you, but you will feel a renewed fulfillment as a husband.
People are always indicating they’ll schedule a night each week to go out and enjoy each other as they used to when they were dating, but few marrieds take the time to do it. That’s vital to a long, healthy, successful union.
These are moments you can look forward to as a couple, spending time together distraction and interruption-free to simply be together. It’s a quality that you don’t get with the day-to-day routine.
Keeping the romance alive in the marriage takes much effort and continued thought aside from putting a date on the calendar. Try to give a small gift periodically, write a love note and put it somewhere your mate will find it. Little gestures are meant to express how much you care.
When you find that things are bothering you or you become irritated easily over certain situations, instead of becoming angry and lashing out, it’s important to consider why these issues are having this reaction.
When you look at the circumstances from a different perspective, it will bring you to the point of self-improvement. If a mate comments on something that you tend towards, focus on that habit to learn for yourself why it is something you continue to do.
Maybe you have an issue with self-esteem or a lack of confidence. Take some time to read up on these issues to learn how to work through problems in those specific areas. You don’t have to change who you are or fix everything completely; no one can or should do that.
It’s a matter of showing your mate that you want to learn who you are and grow as a person.
How to become a better father
A father today is far different from the fathers that we remember from a few decades ago. Neither is the traditional family the same anymore since society as a whole is evolving consistently.
The thing that remains true is a father will guide their children toward building optimum self-esteem and confidence and serve as role models to their sons on how to be the most loving and supportive individuals when it comes to being their turn to be a father. Some things that modern fathers can do to be better in their position:
Spending quality time with kids is vital to their well-being. What a father does with his time reveals to his kids what is most important to him. If he chooses to spend his off-time with them, it speaks volumes that he’s most interested in establishing a deeper connection and growing the bond they share.
Children grow up so fast and become parents themselves. Once that happens, their quality time is often spent with their own families. The time to enjoy them is when they’re young. You can guide them on how that time with their families should be spent, which can then carry on with each generation.
Discipline should always be a positive learning experience for everyone involved, including the father. When a mistake is made, that is an opportunity for growth and improvement, not the time for someone to be discouraged or shamed.
When faced with a calm and fair demeanor that exudes love, a child will be more accepting of the consequences of their behavior and more likely to acknowledge their fault. It’s also more likely the child will come to their father in the future if they find themselves in trouble or having a problem because of how he handles unpleasant circumstances.
Earn children’s attention from an early age, and they will respect you from those moments forward. The tough conversations can begin as early as you choose if you start them in an age-appropriate manner.
Each year change the tone and voice but discuss the critical topics, so the kids know where you stand on the serious subjects. These should include drugs, alcohol, sex, peer pressure, working on the internet, interacting on social media, and so much more.
Allow the kids to have their voices. Pay close attention to their questions, comments, ideas, and particularly any troubles they’re having. Again, make sure to be age-appropriate. You don’t want a small child focusing on big issues; instead, make it a fun activity where you merely broach topics for little ones.
Meals as a family
No matter what is happening in your everyday life, ensure that meals are taken as a family. Those are the moments when bonding is at its peak.
Everyone shares stories about what they anticipate for their time apart over the next several hours while having breakfast, getting each other encouraged and motivated, making for the ideal start to an incredible day.
When having dinner, the family discusses how the day progressed. Dad can lead the conversation by asking each person what stood out most about their day and why that was the most memorable part.
It reignites their excitement from what they experienced while away and makes everyone anxious to take their turn in sharing.
While everyone wants to find that point of perfection as a mate and a parent, there is genuinely no such thing. If you’re going to be the ideal husband or the ideal father, you need to strive for continual growth, learn from mistakes that you’ll invariably make, and be okay with that.
As long as you recognize where improvements are needed and are willing to do the work, a spouse will realize that effort and appreciate you for it. The bond will deepen, and the relationship will strengthen.
A child can also see when a dad is trying his best regardless if he makes mistakes. Kids are astute. Ensure that they have positive time, attention, and constructive discipline, so they grow into supportive, loving, responsible parents who pass that guidance to the next generation.