Marriage is a partnership. It requires a lot of hard work and commitment to thrive. Sometimes, one or both sides decide to end the journey. However, divorce is not usually the easiest decision to make. It can be emotionally and financially difficult for all the parties involved.
In some cases, divorce is not the end of the relationship. There is always a possibility to start over with your ex. To make the most of this second chance, both partners need to work hard on restoring their relationship. They need to approach their marriage differently. All the issues that have led to their divorce the first time should be openly addressed and fixed.
Here are some of the factors that affect both the divorce and reconciliation decisions:
How did the pandemic affect the divorce rates in the US?
No one can deny that the past couple of years have been tough on most people. The effects and aftermath of Covid-19 have taken an immense toll on all of us. With people stuck at home, stress and anxiety levels have reached an all-time high. Add all this to the unemployment, financial strains, death and illness of loved ones, homeschooling and you have the perfect recipe for divorce.
For all these reasons and more, divorce rates have skyrocketed 34 percent in the US. According to the New York Post, newly married couples were the highest category to file for divorce. Their short marriages could not survive all the stress, challenges, and disagreements the pandemic threw their way.
What percentage of divorced couples get back together?
When it comes to divorce, the United States has the sixth highest rate, compared to the rest of the world. About 50 percent of married couples file for divorce in the US, according to World Population Review. Unfortunately, subsequent marriages have even higher divorce rates. About 60 percent of second marriages end up in divorce here. The rate gets even higher for third marriages, of which 73 percent end in divorce.
The lower the age of the couple, the higher the chances of getting a divorce. This is mainly, because of the lack of maturity and experience. That is why those who get married between the ages of 20-25 are 60 percent likely to get a divorce. Those who wait until they are older than 25 years are 24 percent less likely to get divorced.
The good news is divorce is not always the end. There is a high chance for divorced couples to get remarried. About 80 percent of divorced individuals get remarried. Six percent of them even remarry their ex-spouse. Those who get back to their ex-partners stand a much better chance at a successful marriage. Rekindled relationships differ in many ways from starting something completely new.
What makes a spouse come back after separation?
After ending a marriage, it might seem unlikely for the couple to even consider getting back to each other. However, for some couples, the second time is a charm. Many get together with their ex-partners and end up getting remarried. That is not the case with all divorces. It all depends on the circumstances and the reasons that have led to the divorce in the first place.
Here are some of the reasons that can make a spouse consider rekindling the relationship:
1. History
By staying married for many years, you build a history with your spouse. Many couples find it hard to walk away and leave all these memories behind. They keep on remembering the good times and reminiscing about the past. All this drives them to reconsider the divorce decision and get back to their spouse.
Sometimes, people do not even realize the reality of divorce, until they get one. That is when they realize they are still in love with their ex-partners. They start to miss their old life as a married couple and the familiarity they had with their spouse. After all these years together, it is hard for them to build a new life as a single person.
2. Resolving the reasons for divorce
People get divorced for all kinds of reasons. The causes of your divorce will have a great impact on whether you will consider reconciling. If the problems were severe, like infidelity, the chances of getting back together are slim. These kinds of issues are usually difficult for most people to overcome. However, with counseling and hard work, there might be a chance.
With other reasons for divorce, such as lack of communication, the chances of getting back together are higher. Time, open-hearted conversations and therapy can help ex-spouses work their way through these issues. Once the reasons that caused the divorce get fixed, the couple might be willing to give their marriage another shot.
3. Children
Divorce can affect children in various aspects, such as their physical and mental well-being. That is why many divorced couples decide to give their marriage another try. They want their kids to grow in a loving home with both of their parents together.
In addition, children form a never-ending bond between spouses. Even after divorce, this connection should remain strong for the sake of the children. That is why many ex-spouses stay in touch to coordinate all issues related to their kids. This keeps the relationship going between the divorced couple. Over time, feelings could get rekindled. One or both ex-partners might start considering getting back together.
4. Personal growth
One of the main reasons young couples get divorced is because of the immaturity of one or both of them. After the divorce, some people start reflecting and working on the issues that split them apart.
Time and hard work can change a lot of things. Even the experience of the divorce itself can contribute to one’s journey of personal growth. Over time, people get more mature. Growing older does not always mean growing apart. As people get older, some of them start realizing that their divorce was a mistake. They think that they should have tried harder to make things work.
Now, they have the required knowledge and tools. This makes them more encouraged to give their marriage another try. That is when they decide to get back together with their ex-spouses.
5. Shift in priorities
During marriage, some people tend to take their spouses for granted. They do not put them as a top priority in their life. Instead, things like career goals tend to take over. As a result, the couple starts spending less quality time together. They grow apart and finally get divorced.
After the separation, many start to recognize the real worth and value of their ex-partners. They will be willing to shift to a less time-demanding job or make other changes to have more time for their partner.
6. Time to reflect
They say time heals almost anything. This is the case with many divorce cases. After the separation, many people will have more free time to reflect. They will think about all the things that went wrong with their marriage. This time, they will look at the problems from a broader perspective.
Now, they are calmer. All the negative emotions they have experienced at the end of the marriage are fading away. They can think straight and even take some of the responsibility for the things that went wrong. Looking at yourself instead of pointing fingers can be the first step in reconciling.
Spending time alone will also show people that the grass is not always greener on the divorce side. They will recognize that a single life also comes with its set of problems. Many will miss their old lives as married couples. They will start working on getting back together with their ex-spouses.
Conclusion
Returning to your ex-partner requires a lot of effort and hard work. However, in many cases, it is all worth it. In fact, the chances of getting things right the second time around are high. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes. After all, it took two people for the marriage to fail the first time.
When trying to get back to your ex-spouse, remember that you will need to win them over again. Just like the first time you met. You need to show them you are interested. Give them the attention and affection they need. Be open and express how much you have missed them. Own up to your mistakes and work on not repeating them again. Counseling can also go a long way to help you build a healthy, successful marriage this time.
Divorce is not always the end of the road. Some marriages are even better the second time around!
